Keep arms and legs inside the cart at all times

Please exit through the gift shop.

Peeling paint

I've done some peeling paint. Somebody alert the UE authorities.

Please note, the nearest exit may be behind you

You'd think there was more difficulty involved in infiltrating a live airport. Especially in today's anti-terror climate. But as long as you keep your wits about you, and remember where the last escape point you passed is, you should be fine (Also: be white).

I thought I might find the keys to that luggage buggy so that I could take it for a spin. Well, they were stupid enough to leave it unlocked.

London Craning

I was in London for a few days and had a gap in my schedule. What better way to keep myself occupied than by climbing a crane some 25 storeys above central London?

Shouts to Lovely (for being a muthafucking BOSS), Winch (for being my main man in The South) and Nebs (for being the sickcunt who climbed the jib on this crane).

Chester the Molestor

What's the point of having motion detectors and alarms on scaffolding if you don't bother arming them at the end of the day?

Comical works

You'd be surprised how easy it is to get balls deep into a live chemical factory.

Theme Parks

Sometimes people visit Manchester from other countries. What better way to keep these foreign visitors happy than to take them to theme parks and to go on a few rides?